


It's a Wonderful Finn

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Gen, It's a Wonderful Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 09:56:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4344026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU of 1.06, we see what the world would be like if Finn had never been born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Wonderful Finn

**Author's Note:**

> The lovely greenangelheart got this prompt:
> 
> “could you do a fic where it is that Finn had died and Rae is visiting his grave like in ep6?”
> 
> I’ve seen this prompt asked of others, but this time, the wheels started turning. So, I asked if she’d be cool if I tried to write something, and she graciously said to go for it.

I can’t remember what happened after that car stopped short in front of me. It’s like someone pressed pause on the universe and I was stuck in the second that my front wheel caught the bumper and my body was thrumming with potential energy that was about throw me over the car in front of me. My hands were still holding the handlebars, but my grasp had loosened. My boots were still touching the deck, but only by an atom.

My brain filled in the rest. I must have gone over the car and landed on the pavement. Nothing hurt, though. My thoughts seemed to be floating in dark space. I try to figure out where my eyes are to open them.

When I do, I find I’m in a hospital room. I mean, I guess that what it is, it’s bright and light, but fuzzy at the edges. It’s almost like my mind can’t quite reach to the edges of the room. I blink a couple of times to focus and see a figure sitting by my bedside. If I had a breath, it would be caught in my throat.

Nan.

She looks happier and healthier than I remember her being before she passed. She smiles a crooked grin at me. I feel something on my face and reached up to suss out what it is. I pull at it and see an oxygen mask in my hand. I open my mouth and croak, “Nan?”

“Hiya, chook,” she says, still smiling.

“What goin’ on? I thought you were–”

She cuts me off, calmly. “You’re in hospital, love. You’re in a coma.”

I look around, suspiciously. I can only focus on one small part of the room at a time, everything else is a blur. I turn my attention back to my nan. “Is this a dream? Did I imagine ya?” My eyes narrow to focus more intently on her face. “Are you an angel?”

She shakes her head, her white hair catching the light. “Ya don’t need to know all tha’. You’re in a coma, and I’m here to tell ya that ya need to wake up.”

I ponder the massive effort that would take. An unwelcome vision of Archie kissing Rae at the rave looms in front of my mind’s eye and I think to myself, what’s the point of waking up, anyway?

Nan seems to read my thoughts, and says, “Come on, love. Let me show you what the world would be like without ya.” She holds out a frail hand, and I must grab it because the next thing I know, we’re standing in front of the chippy. The windows are covered in newspaper and the lights are out.

“This is what happens if ya don’t wake up.”

I peer through a gap in the paper to try and see inside the shop. “It’s closed,” I say. For as long as I can remember, this place has always been open. I had my first cod and chips here when I was three. How could my not being here close it down? “Because I don’t wake up? What do ya mean?”

“When you stopped comin’ here, other people stopped comin’ here, because it reminded them of you. And when those people stopped, even more people stopped.”

I shake my head. “A chip shop reminds people of me?”

“How many hours did you spend wi’ your mates here? Especially before you started goin’ to the pub? Every time they tried to come in, they thought about you, and went for a Chinese or somethin’ else. Before too long, the takin’s were down and they couldn’t keep it goin’.” Nan pauses, thoughtfully. “Maybe this wasn’t the best place to start.”

The chip shop disappears into the black and I hear the sound of metal slamming into metal. My vision clears, but I still don’t know where we’ve landed. “Where are we now?”

“Her Majesty’s Prison, Lincoln. Eighteen months in the future.” I peer through the barred windows to see Chop sitting at a table, looking mournful. I sense movement in my peripheral vision and glance over to see Izzy walking across the room, carrying a baby in her arms.

“Wait, what? Why’s Chop in prison?” I ask, panic rising in my voice.

“He got Izzy pregnant and their parents kicked them out. His job at the garage wasn’t enough to pay the bills, so he started stealin’ cars. You weren’t there to talk him out of it.”

“Well, what about Archie? He couldn’t be happy about this.”

“Chop and Archie drifted apart after you died. They didn’t really have much in common without you.” I can sort of feel her hand caressing my shoulder.

“What happens to Rae?” I wonder aloud, because that’s the only part of this exercise I’m truly interested in.

The prison dissolves in front of us and Nan says “Not yet.”

In the next scene I see Chloe sitting in a waiting room, bouncing her knee nervously. Mr. Carrisford, the PE teacher, is sitting next her, wearing sunglasses and a hat inside like a knobhead. Chloe is crying, and Mr. Carrisford looks away, whispering, “Quiet!”

“It’s half your fault I had to come back here,” she says haltingly, between sobs.

“I should never have let you in again when you came to me with that sob story,” he says, miserably.

I turn to Nan. “What the bloody hell is goin’ on here?” I ask.

“Chloe got into trouble … again.” She sighs. “This is where it gets complicated, love. Because you weren’t around, Rae and Chloe don’t make up after their last fight. Chloe feels alone, and goes back to sneakin’ around with Mr. Carrisford.”

I shake my head. This was insane. I didn’t even know she’d slept with him before I landed in this alternate universe. “Where’s Rae?” I ask again.

“Soon,” Nan says.

The waiting room transforms into a hotel suite and I hear the strains of classical music playing. There are lit candles and a vase of flowers next to the bed. Archie lays across the bed on his stomach in a suit and tie. “Are you comin’ out or what?” he shouts to someone in the toilet.

I shake my head, fearing the worst. “No. Not Rae, not Rae.” I squeeze my eyes shut and want to fade into blackness. Let it happen if it’s going to happen, I just don’t want to know about it.

Then, I hear a voice, low and deep, respond from behind the half-closed door. “Give me a minute, will ya?” I open one eye and a bloke of about thirty opens the door and walks over to the bed, sitting next to Archie. He touches Archie’s cheek and then leans in for a kiss.

“What the fuck?” I exclaim, too stunned to be relieved that he’s not kissing Rae.

“That’s Archie’s history professor,” Nan says flatly. “They get caught and he’s kicked out of Cambridge.”

I try to speak, but it takes a few tries before my words form. “And this happens because I die? Why are you showing this to me? How was I supposed to know?”

We’re floating in a void again. Nan turns me towards her and looks me straight in the eye. “I’m showing you what might happen if you die now, before your time. I know you didn’t mean to rear-end that Vauxhall, but you were driving too fast and your mind wasn’t on the road. You have to fight to come back, okay, love?”

I close my eyes and nod. She’s right. When I open them, we’re standing in a graveyard. I can see someone kneeling by a headstone in the distance, wearing a buffalo plaid jacket that looks suspiciously like mine. The figure raises their head and I can see it’s Rae. She’s becoming clearer and clearer, like I’m being drawn closer and closer to her by some unknown force. Suddenly, I’m right in front of her, just the other side of the grave.

She’s crying. Her eyes are rimmed with red and shadowed by dark circles. Her hair is wild, like she washed it and let it air dry without running a brush through it. She lets her head fall forward and I can’t see her face properly, with the mass of hair covering it. I was right, she is wearing my jacket.

“Finn …” her voice breaks, and my heart almost does, too.

She looks up, sniffing, trying to control her crying. As she does, there’s a moment that I could swear she sees me, and looks me straight in the eye. But then she focuses her gaze back on the headstone.

“We–we were talkin’ today in class about what everyone was gonna go on to do.” She swipes the back of her hand across her eye. “I’d always hoped that …” she falters. “I hoped we would be together, Finn. I had this crazy idea that we could be on the radio together, like the two of us with our own show.” She allows herself the smallest of smiles at the thought. “No crap, y’know? Only actually cool tunes allowed on our watch. No Crap FM …” her voice trails off and another sob catches in her throat. “Finn, I miss you so much! I fuckin’ hate it that you’re gone! It should be me! I should be the one who’s gone! I should … just …” She slumps forward.

I turn to my nan, angry. “She doesn’t … please tell me she doesn’t …” I can’t bring myself to say the words  _kill herself_. Nan looks at me complacently and says, “Not if you wake up.”

“Well, if I could don’t you think I would have by now? What’s the use of showin’ me all this horrible stuff if it doesn’t matter because I can’t wake up?”

“I wouldn’t have shown it to you if I knew you couldn’t. This is to make you want to fight, to wake up and live the life you were meant to.”

The scene hasn’t faded. We’re still in the graveyard. Two people are walking up behind Rae.

Mum.

Dad.

They aren’t looking at each other. They aren’t holding hands. Each of them has a bunch of flowers, like they hadn’t … I look at Nan with fear in my eyes. “Nan … don’t tell me …”

“It was hard on them both. They cracked at the seams without you there. It happens, Finn. Well, it doesn’t have to.”

I feel numb. I feel awful. I want to cry, but I can’t. I feel like I’m being pulled backwards. I’m moving farther away from the scene by my grave, my parents and Rae growing smaller. The edges of my vision grow dark and fuzzy, I don’t know whether I’m falling or flying.

Suddenly, it’s black. And quiet. No more Nan. No more anything. Am I dead? Were all those visions destined to come true, all my friends and family fractured forever because I drove like a maniac one time? I was heading to the reception at the pub, upset about the rave and frustrated because I didn’t know what was going on between Archie and Rae. Am I supposed to think about this forever? Nothingness would be better than being able to replay events over and over for infinity. I tried to close my mind, to stop the flow of thoughts, but I kept seeing Rae, kneeling by my headstone, crying her heart out. I can’t leave her like that.

That can’t be what happens! Not if by just … I feel like someone just switched a light on for a split second. If I could only … I see another flicker of light.

Suddenly, it’s like my power is switched back on. I open my eyes. I’m in a real room. I can feel a bed underneath me. When my vision clears, it stays clear. I try to speak, but I can’t. There’s something in my throat. I try to sit up, but there are so many wires and tubes and I’m so weak.

I manage to slowly turn my head to one side, and I see Rae sitting there, asleep. She’s pulled a chair up right next to my bed and has one hand hugged to her chest while the other is … I twitch the fingers of my right hand. She stirs. I twitch them again. Her eyes fly open. She looks me in the eye, and starts crying hysterically. Her fingers, which had been covering my hand when she was asleep, wrap around it and squeeze tightly.

“Finn!” She exclaims and looks around wildly. I don’t know who she’s searching for; I can only look at her face. Without letting go of my hand, she stands up and waves, beckoning someone to come into the room.

I hear the door open, but still only want to look at Rae. We’re both here, in the same room, at the same time, both alive. That’s a miracle enough for the minute.

My parents rush in to the room, and my mum has the same reaction Rae did a second ago. My dad just puts his hand to his mouth and starts shaking. Then, there are nurses and doctors, a load of people in white coats, anyway, swarming around, checking machines, writing on charts. A nurse is leading my parents out of the room. Another nurse starts to pull Rae away from me. I use all the strength I can muster to squeeze onto her fingers.  _Look at me, Rae!_  I think, frantic. Her eye glance down at me and focus on my gaze. I still can’t speak, but I try to convey a message with my eyes.  _I love you, don’t leave. I love you, don’t leave._  I keep thinking the two phrases over and over, hoping she’ll somehow hear me.

She looks at the nurse and says, “Give me a minute … please!” The nurse sighs, but nods at Rae that it’s okay.

Then, she leans down, kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear. “Thanks for comin’ back to me, Finn. I’m just gonna go in the hall for a bit while they finish saving your life, but I’ll be back. And then, I’m never goin’ anywhere again.” She kisses me once more, and I feel my heart swell in my chest. I lean my cheek into her lips, which is all I can do in my present state. She pulls her head back in surprise and, smiling through her tears, she says “I love you, too.”


End file.
